Hi. Okay, I’ll just get right into it. Things are going good
and bad.
I bought a house, which is cool, and I move in 2 weeks! I’m so excited, it’s brand new, I just had it painted, I have a big red wall, and the girls are super excited to have a finished basement. They are also excited to move in general, and I am just done with renting even though my landlord has been lovely and the experience hasn’t been bad, but just that feeling like I’m throwing money away is not a great one and I am happy to finally own something.
Moving out of my family house to rent has been very hard on
me. Some people have said that Chris should “let me keep the house” but,
financially, I just cannot afford it by myself. It was my grandparents, great
grandparents, and great great grand-parents house, but we didn’t get it for
free, or a discount. I have actually been surprised at the amount of people who
thought my granny just gave me a $500,000 house, which would have been nice,
but their house was part of their retirement “income” or whatever it is called,
and I would never, ever, take that away from them after all they have done for
me during my life.
So, I cannot afford the mortgage and I just had to get over
it, even though a lot people were upset. But it’s not Chris’s fault, and I just
had to move on, although occasionally my heart breaks when I walk inside. And one should not stay married for their
house anyway, it is not a good reason to live unhappily.
We also have a mouse in hanging out in our rental. I know
mice are around, I’ve had them before in my house that I owned, so I’m not
saying there is a mouse because I’m renting. Anyway though, he’s there. Georgia
named him Adam, and every time I try to set up a mouse trap, she and June freak
the fuck out and start crying because they don’t want me to kill him. June
thought Georgia named him “Madam” which I just realized a few days ago, so now
we call him Madam instead of Adam, and the girls don’t bat an eyelash when he
pops his head out. Meanwhile, I’m screaming my face off, throwing things at him,
and I have to somehow kill him even though now I’m also sort of emotionally
attached to the idea of “Madam”, and yes I know mice are disgusting and gross,
but part of me also hopes that if I am a mouse in my next life I might have a
name like “Madam” and nice neighbors like Georgia and June. So I can’t quite
bring myself to set up a trap yet. Someone else can come over and do it for me
though if you would like.
Speaking of disgusting hosts and neighbors, we also had
lice. It was really fun! Just kidding. It was fucking nasty, and I’m pretty
sure that if you are a murderer or bad person and you die, in your next life
you come back as a lice, because being a lice probably really sucks and seems horrible
and boring, and EVERYONE HATES YOU AND WANTS YOU TO DIE. Anyway, it was going
around Georgia and June’s school so I was bracing myself. I was checking their
heads, but not really knowing what to look for, and then all of a sudden WE
WERE ALL ITCHY. And not like a normal head itch, it fucking feels like you
scalp is on fire mostly behind your ears and in the back, and you just want to rake
it with a dinglehopper.
So it’s after school and I just know we have it, so I get a
flashlight and shine it in June’s head and I SEE SOMETHING MOVING. I can’t
explain what it looks like though, it didn’t look like a bug. It just looked
like her hair was moving, ughhhhghhggg. I start freaking out. This is one of
those situations where I literally look for a grown up.
Can’t call my mom because, um, I am the mom, so I google “lice removal services that come to your house.” The first place I called could not come until the next day and I was literally like, “fuck you, thanks for nothing!” And I’m sure the girl on the phone was happy they were busy.
The second place I called was actually a woman who just took house calls. She said she was available, but didn’t feel like trying to look for parking in my neighborhood, and I was like, "LADY I AM UBERING YOU HERE!”
So, I get her the uber and Melissa comes in. She was a
former nanny for rich people in CA and apparently, rich people get lice too. She said she got the idea for her business
because all of the rich and famous wanted someone to come to the house and take
care of it, instead of going to a treatment center or doing it themselves.
And you know what?? I don’t blame them. I am not dealing with lice either, even though I am not rich or famous, I need someone to do a house call!
She combs out the girls first. Georgia had it a little
worse than June, but they both had actual bugs in their hair. I was next and
apparently I am a bad host, because my bug died and I just had some eggs. YAY! (Insert puke emoji). Melissa said it was
probably because I blow dry my hair and they die from heat or something. I
learned so much about lice that I never wanted to learn, and if you have any
questions about it you can ask me. The next day, I had to take off of work and
clean off all of my furniture, wash all of my shit, and throw away a bunch of
things, but lice cannot live more than 24 hours off host so I think we are in
the clear, and…a month later…the girls got it again!
June’s teacher called and told us she had it, which is SO
EMBARRASSING, but whatever, when
Melissa came back it wasn’t as bad on them as
the first time. So now we are once again lice free. I bought a bunch of
preventative shampoos, bath stuff, I comb their hair out with the lice comb
every once in a while just to be safe, I spray their hair with spray before
school, and I try to keep their hair up or back if they let me. I also had psychosomatic
itching for like 3 months after which is awesome and I felt like I was going insane.
It’s really swell to add “hair bugs” to the big pile of shit that I have to
worry about, not to mention June likes to play bug lady, and she is Melissa and
I am a kid with bugs in my hair and she has to comb it out. Combining the lice,
with Madam, and oh did I mention there was a fire in my backyard…I can’t wait
to GFTO!
