Georgia on My Mind

Wow! It's been two months since I birthed the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my whole entire life! The weeks have flown by, and I am seriously getting the hang of this mom thing. I mean, I don't 100% feel like a mom yet. I still sort of feel like the babysitter actually. And sometimes I look at my little Georgia and I get totally overwhelmed by the fact that..um..she's mine.....FOREVER!  Like, overwhelmed in a bad, full of anxiety way. Not, like, the bursting with love overwhelming feeling. It's just this sort of scary feeling that makes me dizzy and crazy feeling.  Hopefully in the coming months, I will not feel like a mommy imposter. Granted, an imposter who is doing a great job, but still an imposter.

But let's not focus on that. Let's focus on the LOVE!  THE LOVE! Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with love for her that I think to myself, "What have I done?" You can't protect your heart from your baby. It's impossible. My heart is now an open target to be torn out and broken. When you open yourself that much to a person,  when you allow yourself to be that vulnerable to hurt,well, that is true love.  I'm doomed.

 

It also helps that she is an excellent baby. First though, believe me when I say, I was ready for IT ALL! For sleepless nights, uncontrollable screaming, for Chris and me to be fighting nonstop, pots overflowing, curlers in my hair to match ugly pink robe (?), a telephone cord wrapped around my body (not that we have a telephone with a cord, but this was part of my maternity leave nightmare). I thought we were going to be eating microwave popcorn for dinner, I thought I was going to spend all day crying. I was prepared for the worst.

 

"The worst" is not the case at all. First of all, Georgia is a great sleeper. Even when we had to feed her every two hours when she first came home-she just ate and slept. We slept. It was hard, but not too hard. Nursing was working out( I'll post about nursing later). I wasn't prepared for the projectile poo and the amount of diapers that went with it, but it wasn't such a big deal. I managed to conquer the projectile poo with a homemade diaper shield-you just figure it out as  you go! I also took all cues from Georgia and kind of let her guide me. A baby knows what she needs, and will let you know. I fed her on cue and let her sleep on cue. I wasn't too concerned with "a schedule" the first month. Maybe it's not for everyone, but it works for us.

 

I don't really know what the main focus of this particular post is. I'm just saying-life is great! Everything is great. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's totally different. I am in Georgia's life, she isn't in my life. Everything I do, I now do with her on my mind.  My days of sitting at a bar, carelessly ordering a dirty martini are over. I have to be responsible... because if something happens to me, what happens to Georgia?

 

You know how you have to adjust when you have a dog? Imagine that times like 20 zillion,billion. I've never felt responsible for much. I mean, yes, I pay bills, yes I get up for work, but this responsibility is no match for getting to work at 8AM. It's crazy. But I love it. The big smile at 4AM is so worth it. SOOO worth it.