So they all rolled over and one fell out..

(This was published 6/21/2011 but written on 6/17/11)

Georgia ROLLED OVER! I can't believe it. Not in the "I'm -crying -I -cant -believe -my- baby -did- it" can't believe it. But the "holy- shit- why- is -this- going- so- fast" can't believe it. Rolling over wasn't even on my radar, and Wednesday morning I walked in her room and she's on her tummy, pushed up on her elbows, little head wobbling and looking right at me. My Aunt Pat (her nanny) said she was rolling all over the place that afternoon, and now she just won't quit.

I took the bumpers off of her crib, bought breathable ones, removed all blankets and crib friends from her crib, and for the past two nights I've gotten up about 7 times to fix her, because when she rolls over she gets stuck and can't figure out how to fix herself, and she does this pathetic little whimper. "MOMMY IS COMING MY LITTLE DARLING!!!" God, I love her.

Chris, of course, sleeps right through it. In fact, this morning he was like "Wow, she slept great last night!" Uh....no...I was up like 7TIMES MAKING SURE SHE WASN"T SUFFICATING! blah. I'm terrified of suffocation. Terrified of SIDS. Terrified of choking when we start solids. I don't know how people get through this.

So anyway, I'm at work today and I start to feel a dampness on my boob and I realize  that I forget to put on my boob pads! When you nurse, your boobs leak, hence the boob pads. I've been wearing them since Georgia came home. And I've also been wearing these fugly nursing bras because the cup is so thick, and you can't see the pad through it. It's soo annoying. Also annoying is when I came home from the hospital my boobs were about a C cup, and now they are down to a big A, small B depending on the bra, so the nursing bras are too big. I'm so tired of my body changing. I just want it to NOT DO ANYTHING!  Yes, I know I have to stop nursing if I want this to happen. I guess it isn't that bad.  Really, nothing is as bad as the huge ice pack pads you have to wear on your crotch after you give birth. I mean, that was the WORST. I wore the ice pads for about a week, and then had to wear these giant diaper pads for like a month. So in addition to the breast pads, it was a lot of padding, bleeding, and milk leakage. Sorry if this is TMI, but I really didn't know all of this before I had a baby. I feel like someone should have told me! I guess i should have maybe KNOWN, it makes sense, but I wasn't prepared for how much it would suck. So if you haven't had a baby, be prepared for the month after the baby is born to suck. (In regards to the aftermath of birth on your body). Every time I would get in the shower, my boobs would spray milk everywhere, every time I heard a baby cry, they would leak. Actually if I even thought about nursing, they would leak. They have totally calmed down over the past few months-but every once in a while there is milk leakage. That is why I still wear the pads. I can't believe I forgot them this morning. Luckily, my mom is going to go to CVS and get me some so I don't have to walk around like a 13 year old with tissues in my bra.

Sooo...oh-my first wedding anniversary is this weekend! CRAAAAZY-what a year! I feel like I haven't seen Chris in MONTHS-even though we  are married. It's just everything we do, we do for Georgia. We do nothing  for ourselves, we have not been out alone since she came home, and sometimes I just basically feel like we are roommates taking care of a baby. Sometimes I feel guilty because I don't pay enough attention to  him-not that he has said anything at all about it. Maybe he feels guilty for not paying attention to me. I don't know-we haven't really talked about it. I'm not mad or anything. It's just that Georgia is the main focus right now. She is an infant, and we have to be at her beck and call for now. Honestly, having a little child is so much work ,that I really haven't had time to reflect on my first year of marriage. I was pregnant as soon as we came home from our honeymoon. It's been baby, baby, baby, ever since. I think we are a good team, and right now our main focus is our little lady. When I DO have some down time, I just want to go to sleep. I know this totally sounds shitty, and if you don't have kids and you love your significant other, I'm probably not convincing you that kids are the way to go. Well, I'm not really trying to do that anyway. If you don't want kids, don't have them because it is HARD. But I can say, that I don't mind all the work, because when she smiles at me it doesn't even matter. That sounds SOOOO gay and corny, but it's true.

When I think of true love, I no longer think of romance and soul mates. I think of Georgia. When I hear a love song, I think it's ABOUT Georgia and me....even thought the love part at this point only goes one way. I know she trusts me, and knows who I am, but I don't think she is madly in love with me. Or will ever be madly in love with me. How many of us were ever madly in love with our parents? Uh... I would venture....none of us.  Yes, we love our parents, and we want their approval and to make them proud, but that is different from what I am experiencing with Georgia. I'm sure the love changes as your child changes. I'm pretty sure my parents hated me when I was 16-but right now, I love being in love with her! I don't know. I don't even know what I am talking about. There is just so much fucking LOVE sprouting out my being that I need to write about it. I don't care that I was wide awake at 3AM this morning because I'm checking all of the rolling over action. I don't care that Georgia cried eighty million times for her binky last night. I don't care that I am missing out on fun events because we can't get a babysitter. The only thing I care about is my sweet little Miss Georgia.

Please don't think I've become a total lame-o. Even though  I know I would if I was reading this about someone else. I don't know if the fact that I am totally aware of how annoying I sound makes it any better. Probably not. Anway, before you send me a link to lame.com, I want you to know that I am looking forward to our good friends' wedding tomorrow night. Majojo is babysitting. I'm getting a new dress.  I'm so excited for our friends to get married! It will be our first big night out since...humm...our wedding last year? WOW.