Keeping you abreast of the situation...

So, let's talk nursing. 

First of all, before I got pregnant, I never realized it was such a HOT topic, that is, nursing vs formula feeding. I just thought that people did whatever they wanted in regards to feeding their kid, and went on their merry way without giving a thought as to what OTHER people are doing.  I was wrong.

Natural birth vs epidural, circumcision vs intact penis, cloth diaper vs disposable, binky vs non binky, breast milk vs formula-get in a discussion about anyof these topics with another mother, or mother-to-be and be prepared for WWIII! For some reason, other women REALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING WITH YOUR CHILD! It's so stupid. Ugh, I could go on for days about it.

But anyway, back to nursing. I have heard so many nursing horror stories. Babies not latching, low milk supply, starving babies, sore, bleeding cracked nipples, breast infections, not to mention you are just kind of trapped for the first few months because you are the only source of food that the baby has. It sounded hard, it sounded scary, it sounded like nothing I was interested in. I do have friends who told me that they loved nursing, but the bad (in my mind) outweighed the good and I was ready to formula feed. Be warned: There is a serious campaign out there that says BREAST IS BEST (which is true) and there groups that try make you feel like shit if you decide you want to use formula instead of breast milk...for whatever reason. They are not open minded at all.

Now, there are women out there who are dead set on breastfeeding. They will do whatever it takes, pump 24/7 to get their milk supply going, nipple shields, lactation consultants coming to the house-they will go through hell to get their boobs to work correctly, and while I commend them for their dedication, to me, it wasn't that important. But just know that it is very, very important to some people.When I was in the hospital with Georgia the nurse asked me about my birth plan, and how I was going to feed the baby.

'We are going to formula feed" I said while in labor, wondering why the fuck she was asking me this right now-I knew where the conversation was going.

"Well, you know, breast milk IS the best for mommy and baby. We recommend that you breastfeed at least while you are in the hospital. You should be informed before you make a decision.

"I am informed. I want to formula feed."

"Blahblahblah, bleebleebleeblooblooblooo" was all I heard. I SO did not want to have this conversation.

"Okay fine, I'll give it a whirl." I yawn. I'd been up for HOURS.

"Well, if you want to do it, you have to be 100% committed, it can't be something that you just "try" she says back to me.

UM. WTF? I don't WANT to do it-you are sitting here making me feel like shit, and I'm saying I'll do it so you shut the fuck up.

"Okay, I'll try" I say again. For some reason this seemed like a good answer to her, even though it was the same one I gave her 15 seconds ago. She happily writes in my chart that I now plan to breastfeed.

I was so annoyed. Chris was also really pushing for me to breastfeed, and really, the more people told me I HAD to do it, the more pressure I felt, and the less I wanted to.  I was mad that the nurse was making me feel bad while I was in the middle of labor (which consisted of me playing on facebook and watching TV-how dare she!) Soo anyway, labor and delivery roll around and Georgia is on my stomach looking for a boob. She was rooting like a champ-like she had known how to root her whole entire life! (haha get it-it's a joke)

The nurse gave me the hairy eyeball, so I put her on my boob. Georgia latched right away. She looked at me. I looked at her.

"Huh." I thought to myself. Okaaaaay, absolutely not what I expected.

So when you first have your baby, your milk doesn't come in for a few days. The baby is getting stuff called colostrum. It is VERY good for babies, helps their immune system get strong, helps them with their first poop, contains antibodies, clears bilirubin (or however you spell it), helps their digestive system develop. So anyway-that's the scoop on what baby is getting before the milk comes in if you decide to breastfeed. it is great for them. I knew all of this prior to my decision to FF by the way, I didn't learn this in the hospital. Since she latched so well, I thought to myself 'Well, I'll nurse her so she gets this colostrum business, and then start her on formula when we get home."

I nursed her the entire time I was in the hospital. And let me tell you- in the beginning breastfeeding is HARD even when it's easy. It's really hard, it's emotionally draining, your nipples bleed and crack and hurt. It (to me) wasn't this beautiful natural thing, but I continued to do it because Georgia was having such an easy time with it, and I felt very guilty not doing it, even though I didn't want to.  It's also weird to switch your feelings about your boobs. For the past fifteen years, I've used my boobs to get free drinks. They were there to look hott in shirts, and to be all perky and to make forty fifty year old women jealous. Now they were someone's LIFE SUPPORT. It was just so strange. I felt like a cow. In a way I was almost mad that Georgia latched, because now I felt like I HAD to breastfeed. I wasn't mad at her-I don't know, it was probably a weird hormonal thing I went through because I realize how stupid it sounds, and I knew it sounded stupid while I was thinking it.

My second night in the hospital was crazy. First of all, my body was in PAIN from the birth. That second night I felt like-I don't know, just ragged and beaten. I was in SO much pain,  and so,so sore. Chris had gone home that night to stay with Buckley, and also he had been sleeping on a chair for the past two days, so I wanted him to get some rest before we brought Georgia home. I had been taking ibuprofen, but I asked the nurse for a percocet because the ibuprofen just wasn't cutting it. So I'm all whacked out on the perc, and Georgia was STARVING, STARVING, STARVING. It is hard work being born! I nursed her all night long. I cried all night long. I felt so alone, my body ached and I didn't know if it was normal to hurt that much, or if something was wrong with me.It's so overwhelming. Nobody helps you with anything. Your body goes through this crazy, yet amazing trauma, and they just give you your baby and you are supposed to know what to do. I mean, I guess i instinctively knew what to do, but, I don't know. It was very scary to me. A new baby. My baby.  Anyway, my boobs felt like they were going to fall off. I didn't want to put her in the nursery so I could sleep-I felt like a horrible mother if I did that. So she just nursed, and nursed, and nursed, and I cried, and cried, and cried. At 5AM when the nurse came in to check on me, I asked her to bring me a bottle to feed her. "I'm so exhausted, I just can't do it anymore" I cried to her.

"Let me go get one of the lactation consultants," she says. (They are there at 5AM?) If I had had any strength I would have punched her in the face. Instead I just start sobbing. "Just please just bring me a bottle. I need a rest. You can send the lactation consultant in later in the morning. Please, I just need to rest from this. I don't want to hate breastfeeding, but if I can't get a break, I'm going to hate it."

I guess this made sense to her, so she brings me a bottle of premade formula. Georgia scarfs it down. I am thankful for the break. Next round, I am back to breastfeeding.

I used this method my first month of breastfeeding. Chris would do one formula in the morning at 9AM.It was great because it gave me a physical and mental rest. Basically I was feeding her ALLLL DAAAAAY.  I felt so weird and awkward. I went to a breastfeeding class in my neighborhood,  and all the mom's were like lounging around in overalls with their boobs out, talking about cluster feeding and a bunch of shit that I had no idea what they were saying. The leader of the meeting was a crazy hippie lady and I think if she could have breastfed herself she would have, and they were all just way too into it for me. I didn't want to make breastfeeding my identity. If you do-you should go to this meeting. It just wasn't for me.

Every day I told myself, "I am going to stop tomorrow". Then tomorrow would come, and I would say "Well, I can do it another day"  I did it through the bleeding, sore, nipples, I did it even though my boobs were leaking like niagra falls (it took me a while to find breast pads I liked. For breastfeeding, I recommend every product from "lansinoh" including their breast pads.) I bought nursing bras and tops to make my life easier. I forced myself to try different nursing positions around the house, and not just the most comfortable one. I swear the one bottle of formula a day got me through it. And Georgia liked the formula just as much as she liked my boob. Yes, breast milk is better, but formula isn't bad. And she looked at me EXACTLY the same whether I was breastfeeding or formula feeding. Her cute little eyeballs just stared into mine...now, it IS adorable when she pats and rubs my boob while I'm breastfeeding, but she also pats and rubs the bottle so I'm pretty sure it isn't out of love for her mommy. haha!

So during this time I'm thinking to myself  "What am I going to do about going back to work?" If I don't pump, I am going to have to start weaning my boobs. You can't just stop cold turkey. If your boobs aren't used to going eight hours without breastfeeding, you will pay for it in engorged boobies. Ow. I decided to eliminate one breastfeeding a week, and replace it with the formula, and I bought a little hand pump to pump out just a little extra milk if I was getting engorged during this process. Breastmilk is all about supply and demand. I secretly planned to be  not breastfeeding by the time I went back to work-but didn't tell anyone.

During this time of getting my boobs on a schedule, something weird happened. I started to LIKE nursing. Like honest to goodness "I cant wait to nurse my baby" kind of like. And THEN, I started to LOVE it.  I felt like it was very special. I was still totally fine with giving formula, but all of a sudden breastfeeding wasn't a chore anymore. I wasn't resentful and mad. I didn't care that I was wearing ugly nursing bra's and breast pads. I was just like "whatever!" I could walk around my house while nursing Georgia, I wasn't "chained" to the couch. I was comfortable nursing her outside of the home if I had to (but I usually scheduled events around her feedings so I didn't have to nurse in public. It's just not for me-It has nothing to do with anyone seeing my boob. I can't explain it. If you want to nurse in public you have my support 100%) It was nothing! Nooo problem! 

By the time my maternity leave was up, we were on this schedule:  5Am-nurse, 8AM-bottle, 11Am-bottle, 2PM-bottle, 5PM-nurse, 8PM-nurse,11PM-nurse-sleeps until 5AM nurse, rinse and repeat. Since I've gone back to work that schedule is pretty much almost the same. Sometimes I nurse her in between feedings just for the cuddles. I think my plan is to be (by the end of next month) down to one nursing session a day, and to just keep a trickle of breastmilk going incase she ever gets sick or dehydrated. I don't want her to get too attached to my boob when she starts to realize what it is, and I don't want weaning to be too hard on her, so I think this is the best way to go.

So that is my story about breastfeeding. My opinion on feeding babies is that a happy mommy=happy baby, so do whatever it is that makes you feel happy.  Doing both made me happy. Nursing is really hard. Your baby is loved if you breastfeed or formula feed, and isn't really going to give a shit how you fed her when she was little.  Seriously. I doubt the conversation will even come up between her and her friends. "We can't hang out with her..she was FORMULA fed."

See how dumb that sounds?