Ommmmmm....never mind!

Um okay, does this look obnoxious?



It's on the little table right when you first walk in to our living room. Chris says he is embarrassed to have a picture of "just him" and thinks it looks, um, obnoxious-which is why I ask. I don't think he minds THAT much because he only made one funny (half joking) comment, and I haven't heard anything else regarding the photos, but I'm curious as to what everyone else thinks.

First you should know that I have four other wedding portraits in the living room.  One 8x10, one on ginormo canvas (I forget the size), and a 5x7 and 4x5 on our mantel plus these two individual 5x7's. I have two more 5x7's I want to hang up, and I've also framed our invitation. Is this overkill? Not to mention, my wedding album is on display in my dining room for anyone who is forced asks to look at it. 

I loved our wedding so much. I loved every detail, every moment.  I had the BEST, most fun day ever. So looking at my photos makes me happy. It's my house-so I can put up whatever pictures I want, but at the same time, I feel like I'm a few steps away from weirdoville.

I know my wedding was only a year ago, so it's still fresh, but I am wondering, do you guys have wedding photos all up in your house?

Anywho, moving on.

I was just reading about some Victoria  Secret Model who just had a baby, and she is still nursing and pumping for her 9 month baby, blah blah blah she is so awesome.

Okay. She does like one photo shoot for 3 hours a day or something and get paid twenty zillion dollars, and I'm supposed to commend her for still nursing? (FYI, before we go any further, no one is actually asking me to commend her. I am just defensive because I had to go back to work and couldn't swing nursing/pumping...so somehow I am going to make this the fault of a Victoria Secrete Model). I work 40 hours a week! Bite Me!

Ahem. Where was I? Oh yes. Miranda Kerr. Fuck you and your breastfeeding pictures. You have a nanny, and a butler, you are married to Orlando Bloom-who is way hotter than UGGS spokesman Tom Brady ( take that Giselle!) and you still get to nurse your baby. I hate you. I hope your boobs sag to your knees when you stop breastfeeding.

Haha. Rant over. Actually I don't care, but I really was annoyed for half a second until I remembered my policy of not being jealous of people who have lives that are 100% unattainable. I will never be a Victoria's Secret Model. I never could have been one, so there is no point in being jealous. 

I'm like, jealous of my neighbor with really nice hair who goes to yoga every night after work. She always has on the cutest workout outfits, and walks all around the neighborhood with her pink yoga mat. She probably eats organic every night, she probably doesn't drink, I'm sure she does not have pubic hair, and I bet she has never drooled over D&G sunglasses because labels and material items don't matter to you when you do yoga because you are so self satisfied.  Bitch.

See, I could do yoga every night maybe if I got my shizz together, but instead I'm obsessed with hanging airbrushed pictures of myself around the house.

I think if you do yoga, you also look airbrushed.

Workin' Nine to Five...

11 weeks PP! Go me! I've been doing 8 minute abs, and I seriously did not look like this two weeks ago. I still don't look like I did before I got preggers (obviously) but I think I'm on a roll!

I know it seems stupid for me to want to lose every pound of baby weight, since my pre prego weight was barely 100lbs. I just don't think any girl likes to gain weight, whether she weighs 100lbs or 1000lbs. It sucks to have your body change so much. I'm used to looking a certain way, and I want to get back to that.

I actually don't mind the extra weight-it's just that I still can't fit into a lot of my regular clothes. I never realized how small I was. I mean, I know I was skinny, but um... This weekend I tried on one of my skirts and the zipper BROKE, the back of the skirt ripped, and I am 103lbs right now. WTF?!  And some of my really straight dresses, um..no, not right now. I AM sort of liking my new hips, and I definitely look better in jeans and pants. My boobs, however, are another story. I can probably kiss those cute puppies goodbye due to nursing. They don't look too bad, but what perk was left at 33 years old has left the building. Booo! Now if I can just get rid of the squishy part of my tummy I will be a happy camper! The weight came off MUCH faster than I thought, so I guess I should be thankful for that.

So, I went back to work last week.  I had this vision in my head where I tear up and sniffle while saying goodbye to Georgia, and maybe softly cry to myself a few times during the day, and that would be that. I really thought this is what was going to happen,  so I wasn't dreading returning to work. WOW! I was so WRONG!

First of all, I woke up and I was SHAKING like a crackhead going through withdrawal. I mean, I think maybe I felt like one. I picked Georgia up to change her and started freaking out. "Something is wrong! We have to take her to the hospital! She is sick!" I'm seriously screaming this at Chris, who is looking at me like..well, like he usually does. Like I'm a retard. That's so not PC to say, I know. I'm sorry if I offend anyone. I am really not trying to insult retarded people. Unfortunately that and "gay" are staples in my vocab, even though I love gays and people with disabilities. Just like Lady Gaga. Okay fine, I will change it. He is looking at me like I just said I won a math contest . He's all, "What the hell?"  I'm just standing there at the changing table, crying my eyes out. I hand Georgia to Chris, and I lay down on our bed all curled up in a ball, totally sobbing. I can't even believe I'm acting like this, Chris is trying to calm me down-he brought me a glass of water and rubbed my back and everything. I'm just crying and thinking that the shower seems too far away from Georgia, and I have no idea how I am ever going to get through this day. I asked Chris to bring her downstairs so I could attempt to get ready for work, I mean, I couldn't even LOOK at her without busting into uncontrollable sobs. It was bad, ya'll. Really, really bad.

The weird thing is that I have left her before. One night she had a sleepover with MaJoJo so that I could go out with my friends. I left her at my mom's house. Overnight. It was still hard, but I wasn't crying or anything. I did actually almost cry as we were leaving when my nephew Rocco yelled frantically out the window, " AUNT TT! UNCLE CHRIS! YOU LEFT YOUR BABY GEORGIA HERE!"

Rocco thinks I'm such a horrible mom! I did miss her while I was out, but I didn't have any kind of freak out. I think part of me feels guilty, because I probably COULD stay home, maybe, but I'm not sure that I am cut out to be a stay at home mom. So I can't have my cake and eat it-it's one or the other. Anyway-back to the melodrama.

I couldn't change her, I couldn't kiss her, I couldn't look at her when I walked out the door. I cried all the way to work and for most of the morning. By the afternoon I was doing much better-it was great to see all of my peeps at work, and also to get dressed up and not look like the sweatpants-swamp- monster- from- the- garbage -can. It gets a little easier each day-well, it's not really that easy so I guess I should say I am doing better with leaving each day. I still miss her. I love that little thing so much. This morning I was dreaming I was giving her kisses, and when I woke up I was kissing my pillow! HAHAHA! Wouldn't you dream of kissing this cute little face?
<

Don't Feed the Buffalo

So are these dead birds freaking anyone else out? Dead doves, dead crabs-I can't take it! I'm seriously going to be pissed if the world is ending and I have spent my last months fat, pregnant, and sober.  This is all like the beginning of a horror movie, where the audience sees all kinds of signs of the apocalypse, and the poor unknowing earthlings in the movie just go about their daily business-naive to any kind of space invaders or Jesus coming down on a cloud or whatever. The main family is usually a nice middle class couple with a child...or a CHILD ON THE WAY...I'm just sayin. The movie will be more exciting if someone (me?) gives birth just as the aliens are destroying the earth-and the only survivor is the baby who is adopted by the aliens ,or Jesus or whoever, and GROWS UP TO SAVE THE WORLD. How is that for having a overachieving kid?

So that would be cool. It would also be cool to have Jesus as your kid. As the mother, you wouldn't have to put out on some random night when you are tired from work, with hairy legs, and the last thing you feel like doing is  yor 25 year old sexy starlet act for your husband. It's just like, you wake up and you are preggers.  Not only that-Jesus would come in really handy throughout the years. "Damn, I'm having a dinner party and I forgot to get wine! Jesus, can you turn mommy's water pitcher into a few pitchers or wine, and while you are at it-do something with these loaves of bread."

See? It would be kind of awesome.

Speaking of parties and food, I would like to discuss something that bugs the shit out of me. What I would like to discuss is FREE FOOD AT THE OFFICE.

Okay. I get that it's fun to have office parties. I get that sometimes it's cool to not have to pay for your lunch. But I HATE HATE HATE when people totally freak out about it. Like, they run in with containers and plates and fill up like it's going to be their last meal on earth. And it's usually people you have never seen before coming into your ofice party and taking leftovers. It's like they run in, dig in and run out. They don't stay and socialize. I have no idea why they have "to go" containers at work, but they have them, and they pretty much just act like vultures. Sometimes they get mad that "no one told them there was free food" if they've already brought their lunch. Sometimes they run to get free food even if they've already eaten lunch. God, it's so trashy and embarrassing, and I really can't stand it.

Today a lady who does not work in my department was having a retirement party. Someone from the department was nice enough to invite everyone on our floor to have lunch. I hadn't eaten, and I was trying ( and failing) to motivate my fat pregnant, self to get off my chair to go out and get something to eat. Needless to say, I was thankful for the invite.  Okay so the first thing I see when I walk out into the hallway was a lady standing there with a bag-she obviously just picked up her lunch from a pizza place or Chinese place. "No one told me there was food, I just went out BOUGHT LUNCH!" ( Oh! The horror!)

So, anyway I walk past all of the horrified people who have already bought lunch, and walk into the party room. I walk over the lady who was retiring, introduced myself, and congratulated her, thanked her for inviting me to her party blah blah blah and she cut me a piece of cake and told me to help myself. That seems like the nice normal thing to do. So I'm standing there, and all of a sudden in run in the heard of buffalo who have already bought lunch. They FILL their plates up, don't say anything to anyone, including the lady who is retiring, and just..like...leave.  THAT IS SO RUDE! RUDE! RUDE! RUDE!

I wasn't surprised, really. It just makes me mad that people are that selfish. GRRRR.