Tuesday, April 14, 2015

If the devil doesn't like it, he can sit on a tack!

So...having two kids is hard! I know, yes here comes the collective DUH from everyone, and I knew it would be hard but damn, I am so freaking exhausted all the time. I was not this tired when Georgia was a baby.

It's crazy how these small little people who don't DO anything can turn your life upside down. I mean all she does is eat,sleep, and cry-why is that so damn hard to deal with?  I keep telling myself that  these are easy issues and the hard stuff comes later when she is a teenager and has to deal with peer pressure, bullies, and a whole world of online crap that I did not have to deal with when I was growing up. I am sure I am going to look at her and be like, "uh...remember when I was so tired and stressed out because you were HUNGRY?" 

So, I try to keep it all in perspective. She is being a normal baby, and that is great! She is also very cute too. I just love here to pieces, and there friends is the inexplicable, crazy, emotional  world of motherhood. I want the newborn/infant stage to end STAT, but then I look at her and start crying when I think of her as a 4 year old and I want her to be my baby forever. And then I'm in the shower with June in the bouncy chair in the bathroom screaming her face off while I'm frantically shampooing my hair thinking, "why the hell did I do this again?" And then I take her outside and she hears birds singing, she loses her mind with excitement and I'm like 'OMG THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!"  

See the internal struggle?

And Georgia is doing great too! She is a wonderful big sister and a wonderful girl all around. The thing I love about her is that she notices EVERYTHING. She is so excited that the flowers have started blooming, and I am thankful everyday that she makes me stop and notice the pretty things in our world that sometimes I am too busy to notice. We were on a walk the other day and these tiny daffodils were starting to grow .She stopped and smelled them, and told me that they were growing because there was a lot of sunshine now, and she was happy there was sunshine because she would grow too...She's also become OBSESSED with Jesus. I have never really talked about him with her, I think last Christmas I told her it was his birthday but if you remember I'm just not sure what to do about religion. Well, it was Easter and some kids in her class must have been talking about it and she came home and was basically like, "Why the hell do I not know about Jesus?' 

So, being the good parent that I am, I found a cartoon on YouTube about Jesus' life and put it on while I was on Facebook, but then I was starting to get pissed because in the cartoon the men were all  being huge dicks about the fact that Mary was pregnant even though she was supposed to be a virgin and I'm thinking THIS IS A CARTOON FOR CHRIST SAKE, so I turned that one off and found another one where they just sing songs and there were no sexist assholes. 

My mom got her a rosary when she was little, so I busted it out and told her the story of Easter and she was wearing it around the house as a necklace which freaked my mom out because she said it was sacrilegious, but hey, if Madonna can wear a rosary so can my kid.

 I'm sort of thankful that this interest in Jesus happening is because our poor Buckley had cancer and had to be euthanized a month ago. Every time I sit and try to write about it, I re-live that day and I really just want to forget about it. He went in for a routine check up pretty much, and came out with a diagnosis of Hemangiosarcoma which is spleen and kidney cancer. He was bleeding into his abdomen, and my two choices were a $5000 surgery to remove his spleen and then chemotherapy which would only prolong his life for a few months, or euthanasia. Needless to say it was an absolutely gut wrechingly awful shock, and even worse was telling my kid that her best friend dog died.  I was seriously contemplating the surgery just so we could give her hope,couldn't stomach putting him through chemo. If he had been hit by a car or something and surgery would save him then yes, we would have done it, but cancer, chemo and a few months to live-it just seemed cruel to him and unfortunately not a good financial decision for us. I know many people put finances before their dog, but I now have two kids and will soon be paying like $800 a week in childcare and basically this was one of the many times when being a grown up sucks. 

Anyway, because of this, there is a lot of talk about death, and heaven/Jesus just seem like and easy explanation for now and she can figure it out later. She's really happy that Buckley is in heaven with him, and hopes that he will eat lots of healthy dog food with apples, so that next year he will come back to life with Jesus on Easter. I was like, "Jesus doesn't come back to life on Easter, that already  happened" but she is insistent that next year is THE year and Buckley is totally involved. I've also been telling her that kids in her class are Jewish, Muslim, and that everyone believes something different, and she can believe whatever she wants, so right now we are going with Catholicism. If she's into it I am not going to derail her interest just because it is not for me. 

So Buckley is basically the Messiah in this household . Every time we see someone walking a dog Georgia is like, "Hi. My dog is dead and is coming back to life next year with Jesus." 

The dog walkers look at me like "WTF kind of parent are you lady? MY dog is the fucking Messiah." and I just give them a crazy smile because I don't sleep and I live on cold coffee and potato chips.