I haven't written in a really long time. Part of me thinks I should maybe start a separate, anonymous blog to write about all the crap that is going, on, but ..I cannot. I'm a very open person (probably to a fault) , and I go through real life things, and well, this is my real life as it is happening now.
Chris and I are getting divorced, and that is all I'm writing about it. Except to say that people could tell something was up from my instagram and facebook...like, we are not in each others pictures, and I live in a different house. So, the cat is out of the bag, I wasn't trying to hide it but like, if I'm going to start blogging again I guess it will be very obvious that we are co-parenting and living apart.
Anway, after your kid turns 3 there really isn't anything interesting to write about. I just sort of got sick of talking about my kids, and after I had June it was very hard to work full time and have 2 kids.
2 kids is no joke..even at their age difference of 4 years. I felt like I was in this monotonous hole, and I just couldn't write about getting home from work, making dinner, bathtime and bed. Because that's all it was for a few years. I mean, as it should be, but it was just intense and hard. I stopped writing in my blog before she turned 1. I think because I was too tired! Also, I know by blog looks all dated now, I'll work on making it look nice later. When I care.
However, I've entered new(ish) territory of my kids totally sucking at eating. I mean, they eat some things now, but fruit and vegetables are basically bowls of barf to them, and part of the problem is that at 7, Georgia has become very picky, and June is following her lead. When Georgia was 3 she still ate very well, and I think June would if she didn't have an older sibling to copy. Georgia's pickiness is age appropriate and everyone tells me they grow out of it, so fingers crossed!
The problem is that Chris and I have become short order cooks because we just want them to fucking eat. I absolutely loath dinner time, and it hasn't gotten any better. Before I go on, I want to say that besides dinner, Georgia and June are wonderful, well behaved, smart, funny girls. They are just bad at eating dinner. They probably are terrible at eating their lunches I pack (but what I don't know won't hurt!) and they eat breakfast because I let them eat Lucky Charms. June only eats the marshmallows and it doesn't bother me because I remember that eating just the marshmallows was bomb when I was little in the 80's. Sometimes kids need a little bomb, and I'm okay with it being at breakfast.
Also FYI Chris and I have 50/50 custody and are parenting evenly and honestly working together better than when we were together.
We do have some differences, one of which is the television. I don't mind when the girls come home from camp or school and turn on a show, because again, I remember just needing to veg without my mom in my face asking me who I sat next to at lunch.
I do ask them that question, but a tv show after school or camp isn't a big deal to me. I know it's a big deal to some people. Like that guy at the block party who freaked the fuck out that my friend's door was open and Trolls was on, and there was popcorn on the table. Like, he was literally so worked up about his kid looking at a television he couldn't even talk. He was acting like there was a big orgy happening inside, and people were eating the dead hearts of nuns.
I was like, "Dude, did you never watch tv when you were little? Didn't you have a favorite show? DID YOU NOT WATCH MTV???
I don't know what it is about my generation of parents and the freak out about a little tv on the weekends or after school, but this guy was not having it. Well, then don't come to the damn party if you don't want your kids to see other people doing different things. Keep them in the house in your bubble. The whole thing was insane.
Actually it was funny my kids were playing outside with the other kids, and the two kids who weren't allowed to watch TV and eat popcorn suddenly became zombies dying to watch it and freaked out at their parents and started crying.
It just reaffirmed my idea that everything is good in moderation. They probably eat better than my kids though, so we are all good at different things...although I couldn't help but think that the dad (by the insane way he was acting) was MORE upset that his kid was actually like every other kid and wanted to watch the movie, vs actually caring about television damaging their little brains....that we were going to eat later. MUHAHAAHAA.
Anyway, dinner. First thing that happened was that I bought a PEPPERONI pizza. OMG stop the presses. WRONG FUCKING PIZZA.
"We don't liiiiiiike pepperoni" WAHHH WAHHH BLAHHHH BLAAHHHHH. Ugh. Fine. Do you want eggs? Cool. I made Georgia 2 hard boiled eggs and June scrambled eggs. June had apples, Georgia had blueberries. There is nothing offensive about this meal, however June did say to me yesterday not to put blueberries in her lunch, so I thought apples were a safer bet. I ended up making a salad with blueberries and apples for myself, because I didn't feel like cooking a third freaking meal ...which usually happens because I'm not used to cooking for one adult.
Anyway, I set the table and ask the girls to turn off the tv and come eat with me. All hell fucking breaks loose. They start yelling at me, pushing plates at me, telling me they hate this, they hate that, milk was spilled, and I was at the end of my rope because I start to have dinner anxiety at about 4pm and it is always as bad as I think. I evn bought them cookbooks today to see if we cook together if that will help. The cookbooks were tossed aside, no interest whatsoever. I was tired of being nice and sweet and talking about why fruit is good for your brain. I became as bad as them.
"GO AHEAD AND STAAAARVE!!!!"
Haha, no I didn't say that. I actually didn't know what I yelled. I was just like,"BLLLAHSHFDKHHFKDFHKDHF" and grabbed their plates and threw them on the counter and yelled to go turn on the the TV and eat chips. I didn't care anymore! I was tired of trying to have a nice dinner with them. Then I went upstairs and cried. Because I just want dinner to be nice, and it's always a thing. I mean always, before Chris and I separated.
I'm in my bed feeling like a failure, and of course I hear little footsteps coming near my room. "Mom?" Georgia and June come in and and get in bed with me, and hugged me and said they were sorry. Then I felt like a huge fucking asshole.
"Mom, come downstairs we have a surprise," Georgia said while rubbing my back and Junie was patting my head. Oh Jesus Christ.
I take their hands and go downstairs. The girls had reset the table, poured me a glass of milk (lol), Georgia even put out olives and cheese for me because it is my favorite snack.
They sat down at their seats and started eating, and I tried not to cry and sat down too, but now I couldn't eat because I felt so terrible. I made myself eat my dumb salad though, and we just all sat and had dinner like normal people...except for June asking me how she could become a vampire, and if she couldn't be a real one, could she just be one for Halloween....that was weird.
I told them that I wanted to feel like a family in our house and having some nice time together during dinner was the only thing I was asking them to work with me on. Georgia said they would not complain about food anymore, but who the heck knows? THEN when I was cleaning up they helped without me asking and then went off to play school.
I don't know how to feel about tonight's episode of my not so Full House. I think at least Georgia understood why I was upset. I'm thankful that they ate, I feel bad that it took me freaking out to make them do something nice for me, and to have dinner without a song and dance. Blah!
As you can see, I still don't know what I'm doing!
