Thursday, March 17, 2011

oh baby baby

Well, I didn't want to write this post. I've been avoiding it but since I'm up at 1:0a AM and nothing else is going on. I'll just get on with it.

I am three days past my due date.

I never ever thought I would be over 40 weeks pregnant. I mean, I never even considered it. I think I'm actually still in shock. And I'm kind of pissed too. I'm like, SO ready to move on to the next phase of my life. It isn't even that I'm sick of being pregnant (which yes-I am). I just can't DO anything. My body is exhausted. Totally exhausted. I tried walking to the local java joint today and you would have thought I ran a marathon. I regurgitate everything I eat, and right now my daughter is kicking the shit out of me. I thought they weren't supposed to move that much at 40 weeks? I can't tell if it hurts because I'm having contractions, or because she is moving all around. Regardless of what it is, I'm very uncomfortable.

Pregnancy is so different than what I thought it was going to beI can't put into words what this experience has been like just yet, because I don't know. I haven't reflected enough because I'm so caught up in when the hell she is getting here that I don't think of much else. Right now I feel like I am about to get seasick from all of this movement so I will finish writing at a later date. I guess she loved the warm milk I just had or something. Oh, and remind me to tell you  about the castor oil conversation I had with my husband.

Monday, March 7, 2011

I'm Every Woman

So I really want to get one more post in before I birth my sweet baby. I thought I was going to keep up this blog,but during pregnancy it's kind of hard. How many times can I write about how much I hate being pregnant? It's just not my bag baby. I am so excited to meet Georgia, of course, but I just wish she could just, like, ring the doorbell and show up as a 25 year old engaged, college graduate who worships the ground I walk on.

So anyway-with impending doom birth and all that, I started to think about NOT being pregnant. I think it's going to be so weird. For the last nine months I've constantly had to take care of myself in a way that I never have before because I was (am) responsible for the health of my unborn daughter. I hope I can keep it up after she is born. I didn't drink much coffee, tried to eat very healthy, early nights, early mornings, no drinking. Yes, I did eat an assload of spanish fries, but I don't think they'll do too much damage. Maybe she'll pop out saying "Hola" or something.  Anyway-some crazy part of me thought that I actually might MISS being pregnant! And then I looked at myself in the mirror and was mind.

So the STATS: I started out at 98lbs. I now weigh 129! Hopefully it comes off fast. I wouldn't actually mind keeping about 5 extra lb post, because then I won't have to get every freaking piece of clothing hemmed,taken in, fitted, shortened-whatever. I don't have any stretch marks, and I am retaining a little bit of water in my fingers, and my once rock hard butt looks now resembles "naked old lady in the locker room ass" but my sister told me that goes away.  I probably gained an inch around on both thighs,  and my boobs went from an A cup to a C cup. So all in all, I guess not so bad. I don't think anyone likes gaining weight. It pretty much sucks, but obviously I HAVE to gain it while pregnant, so topping out at 130 isn't the worst thing in the world.

Now...on to the BIG news! My twin sister Jill had her baby! Last week! Mason is here! He is so freaking cute-he looks like a little sweet pea. He was 5lbs 90z and born just a few days before his due date. I remember how weird I felt when my younger sister had her first baby. I was all, wtf? How did that happen?  She's a MOM!  I feel the same way with my twin sister. uh...somebody's mom? It's crazy. She is going to be a great mommy and I am very proud of her, because I heard she was very brave throughout labor and birth.

Remember when you were little and how you thought about your friends' moms? They were just... moms. They didn't have  a past, or feelings, or personalities. They were just there to say yes or no, or to yell at you if you got caught smoking cigarettes( O wait, that was my mom), to tell you to go to sleep, and to make sure you were equipped with tools to make the best decisions in order to have a successful life. Okay, well, that one I didn't realize until recently. I've had a bit of a bumpy road, but I think that my parents instilled the right value system along the way, and I think I turned out okay. I was able to see the warning signs, and make some changes before I got to a point where I wouldn't be able to help myself.  My life turned out great actually! I'm not the super singing phenom that I once thought I would be, but that's okay. I have baby Georgia on the way, and my wonderful husband. And my new nephew. And my three other little nephews, my siblings, my grandparents, awesome aunts, uncles, cousins, and a small but wonderful group of good friends. I have so many wonderful role models that have helped me along the way.  I love my house (which I will write about at another time), I love living in Philly, I really do like my job-and most important of all-I finally like myself! After years and years and years of negative self talk, of feeling like I sucked, of lucid nightmares, losing my singing voice, and basically feeling like I was drowning in the biggest blackest ocean in the world. I've  conquered my demons all by myself, and frankly, I think I rule because of it!

So on that POSITIVE note, I leave with the mystery of childbirth lurking  I'm kind of scared shitless actually, but I've gotten through so much shit over the past few years, that I think I can get through this too. Women have babies every day. Not every woman has gone through my struggles and came out a winner.  

*Random shout out to Whitney Houston. Although, she hasn't exactly come out as any kind of winner. But she did sing I'm Every Woman, and Oprah loved it.