Workin' Nine to Five...

11 weeks PP! Go me! I've been doing 8 minute abs, and I seriously did not look like this two weeks ago. I still don't look like I did before I got preggers (obviously) but I think I'm on a roll!

I know it seems stupid for me to want to lose every pound of baby weight, since my pre prego weight was barely 100lbs. I just don't think any girl likes to gain weight, whether she weighs 100lbs or 1000lbs. It sucks to have your body change so much. I'm used to looking a certain way, and I want to get back to that.

I actually don't mind the extra weight-it's just that I still can't fit into a lot of my regular clothes. I never realized how small I was. I mean, I know I was skinny, but um... This weekend I tried on one of my skirts and the zipper BROKE, the back of the skirt ripped, and I am 103lbs right now. WTF?!  And some of my really straight dresses, um..no, not right now. I AM sort of liking my new hips, and I definitely look better in jeans and pants. My boobs, however, are another story. I can probably kiss those cute puppies goodbye due to nursing. They don't look too bad, but what perk was left at 33 years old has left the building. Booo! Now if I can just get rid of the squishy part of my tummy I will be a happy camper! The weight came off MUCH faster than I thought, so I guess I should be thankful for that.

So, I went back to work last week.  I had this vision in my head where I tear up and sniffle while saying goodbye to Georgia, and maybe softly cry to myself a few times during the day, and that would be that. I really thought this is what was going to happen,  so I wasn't dreading returning to work. WOW! I was so WRONG!

First of all, I woke up and I was SHAKING like a crackhead going through withdrawal. I mean, I think maybe I felt like one. I picked Georgia up to change her and started freaking out. "Something is wrong! We have to take her to the hospital! She is sick!" I'm seriously screaming this at Chris, who is looking at me like..well, like he usually does. Like I'm a retard. That's so not PC to say, I know. I'm sorry if I offend anyone. I am really not trying to insult retarded people. Unfortunately that and "gay" are staples in my vocab, even though I love gays and people with disabilities. Just like Lady Gaga. Okay fine, I will change it. He is looking at me like I just said I won a math contest . He's all, "What the hell?"  I'm just standing there at the changing table, crying my eyes out. I hand Georgia to Chris, and I lay down on our bed all curled up in a ball, totally sobbing. I can't even believe I'm acting like this, Chris is trying to calm me down-he brought me a glass of water and rubbed my back and everything. I'm just crying and thinking that the shower seems too far away from Georgia, and I have no idea how I am ever going to get through this day. I asked Chris to bring her downstairs so I could attempt to get ready for work, I mean, I couldn't even LOOK at her without busting into uncontrollable sobs. It was bad, ya'll. Really, really bad.

The weird thing is that I have left her before. One night she had a sleepover with MaJoJo so that I could go out with my friends. I left her at my mom's house. Overnight. It was still hard, but I wasn't crying or anything. I did actually almost cry as we were leaving when my nephew Rocco yelled frantically out the window, " AUNT TT! UNCLE CHRIS! YOU LEFT YOUR BABY GEORGIA HERE!"

Rocco thinks I'm such a horrible mom! I did miss her while I was out, but I didn't have any kind of freak out. I think part of me feels guilty, because I probably COULD stay home, maybe, but I'm not sure that I am cut out to be a stay at home mom. So I can't have my cake and eat it-it's one or the other. Anyway-back to the melodrama.

I couldn't change her, I couldn't kiss her, I couldn't look at her when I walked out the door. I cried all the way to work and for most of the morning. By the afternoon I was doing much better-it was great to see all of my peeps at work, and also to get dressed up and not look like the sweatpants-swamp- monster- from- the- garbage -can. It gets a little easier each day-well, it's not really that easy so I guess I should say I am doing better with leaving each day. I still miss her. I love that little thing so much. This morning I was dreaming I was giving her kisses, and when I woke up I was kissing my pillow! HAHAHA! Wouldn't you dream of kissing this cute little face?
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