Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Dog Days Are ( NOT) Over!

"I switched to Blogger because I hate my breasts"

(crickets)

Um...yeah so that is what happened when I decided to try blogging with the voice activated thingy on my iphone. It is probably more interesting to read that than original sentence, which was supposed to be"I switched to Blogger because I hate Wordpress."

This gave me an idea to do some type of interactive MAD LIBS post.  Remember Madlibs? I recently bought a booklet from the grocery store or something and tried to get Chris to do it with me. He was like SO not interested, and kept saying stupid verbs and nouns that he knew would be lame, and it was basically not fun. So maybe it is not a good idea, however I want to try.  I have to figure out the logistics. Readers would  submit the words and then I would use a post ( new or old?) and substitute. I think it would be so funny. I will let you know as I think about it more! Or not.

I wish I had something else to talk about besides my kid, but I really don't. Everything I do revolves around her right now, because she is only 2 and she needs my undivided attention. When she is 10 I'm sure I will write about some other lame thing I am doing, but right now it's all Georgia all the time. I keep seeing posts about how people are ruining facebook by posting about their kids and whatnot, and I am wondering... what the cool kids are posting about?

I am a horrible DIY person. I can not give you tips on ways to improve your home, or cute crafts to make your house adorable, or how to make a tutu for your child. I did show pictures of my new bathroom, but all I did was go to the store, pick out tile and paint, and someone else did the dirty work. We saved no money on our project, so basically if you want me to tell you to go hire someone to do your home improvements...well okay! I can do that!

I am not on a diet, nor do I eat an organic gluten free diet, or have a recipe for sunflower seed ice cream, however I am working on toning my abs and arms, but no one really wants to read about that because for some reason posts and updates about working out/the gym bring out fits of rage and violence among facebook friends.

You can't post about doing something fun/funny,like dancing at a bar, because then people accuse you of trying too hard to act like you are doing something fun. Food pictures enrage people. If you look pretty and decide to take a picture of yourself,people get mad. If you look ugly people get mad, the list of anger inducing blogs goes on and on! The only thing safe to write about is your pet. Everyone loves pets. Except...me.

I know. I'm a big fucking jerk because my dog gets on my nerves. It makes me sad actually, because before I had Georgia, Buckley was the absolute apple of my eye. He was my son. I still call him my son actually, but damn. He is just so much extra work.

I think if I had gotten him like 4 months AFTER I had Georgia things wouldn't be so bad, but catering to him while I was an overwhelmed new mom was just infuriating to me. I was like " YOU ARE JUST A DOG!" omg. I'm pretty sure he started stress shedding after we had her, because I do not remember the dog hair in the house being the big deal that it is now. Well, it probably was the same amount, but it wasn't a big deal because what the fuck else did I have to do before G was born except vacuum dog hair?

Also, he became a fat, food obsessed glutton after G started eating solid food.

We never really gave him table food before that, but when she started eating, he would just sit under her high chair and eat the spilled food and before we knew it, we had created a MONSTER. He is now obsessed with food. He gulps his dog food down in one swallow, I can't even stand to watch him eat. This year we have spent over $1000 on him between his diet, an allergic reaction, skin infection,medication, and paying a foster family $55 a night to keep him over Thanksgiving week. For 4 days. Plus an extra $10 on Thanksgiving day.There goes the roof repair!

It is not all bad though. I did let him sleep with us last night and he was all cuddled up next to me snoring away. When Georgia woke up this morning she was about to start yelling about some horror I committed until she saw Buckley. She gave him the biggest hug and said," MOM, Buckley made me feel better!" She kissed and kissed him and was in the GREATEST mood ever until she realized he ate her chocolate advent calendar last night. But that is another story for another day.

I love the Buckster. I do.


:

No comments:

Post a Comment