Wednesday, May 14, 2014

So I started pinning stuff for Georgia's next birthday party,  Georgia did not have a real birthday party this year because I was too busy.  It occurred to me that I never posted pics of her first or second birthday parties. I really don't post any pics on here because I'm sure the three people who read this blog are my facebook friends, but anyway, in order to get myself motivated for this partay These pictures remind me of how bad I sucked this year. I will show you some pictures from the last ones.

For her second birthday, she kept telling me she wanted a "green" party. That could mean a lot of things, but as she was only turning 2, I decided she meant the color green. The only request besides green was that we get a Minnie Mouse cake, so it was pretty easy. It was right after St. Patrick's day so all green decor was cheap!



















For her first birthday, we decided to to " Georgia in ONEderland theme and have a mad hatter tea party. It was totally adorable.  look.



















I have no idea how to lay out these pictures nicely...so whatever. You get the point. I had a first and second birthday party for my kid.

 I had planned to go all out, I had a contract sent to me for Mickey and Minnie to come to the party, tattoos, games, dancing, face painting...the works! And then all of a sudden I had this moment of OH MY GOD WHO ARE YOU???!  It's a fucking three year old birthday party. Get a GRIP. So-we just had spaghetti and cake at my mom's house. Actually, I wasn't even there. I was in a wedding. Which by the way was 100% fine with me as I told my friend. You only get married once. My child will have lots and lots of birthdays.

So anyway, Minnie Mouse plates, Minnie cake, my mom got some cute decorations. BOOM. Done. Happy Birthday kiddo!

Also, can we talk about cleaning? I am so sick of doing CHORES. But like, when you are an adult they aren't chores, right? They are just part of life? Laundry HAS to get done...the word "chore" to me sounds optional. But optional or not, the other night I opened the dishwasher to put my plate in it, saw that everything was CLEAN and promptly lost my shit because I had to empty the dishwasher. " I"M SO SICK OF DOING SHIT!!!" I screamed at no one. Chris was looking at me...like he usually does...and I am just like freaking out and refusing to empty the dishwasher.

I just want to be FINISHED, but there is never a finish line in sight. There is always absolutely something I could be doing. Cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming the stairs, cleaning the microwave, cleaning out the fridge, mop the floor, wipe the woodwork, dust the fans, organize my basement, organize the closets, look under my bed and see what is living there...the options are ENDLESS I tell you!

All this talk about cleaning makes me want to share the fact I am really struggling with the decision to have another child. I don't want there to be any more work. I also don't ever want to give birth again, but that is not what is keeping me from making the decision. I loved having a baby of course, but those first few months brought me to my knees and I really am not interested in all that again. Not to mention the financial responsibility of having two children is enormous and it weighs heavily on me.

I'm not one of these ladies that is happy wearing old dirty clothes and smelling like baby puke.  I still like nice things. I  can't run out and buy them at the drop of a hat in one big ol' shopping spree like I used to, but treating myself is still manageable.

I am sharing this with you because I want you to know that  I KNOW I am selfish, and the reason I do not want another child is because I do not want to change my standard of living, I do not want to do extra laundry, I do not want to breastfeed or have third degree vaginal lacerations, or have my hair fall out, I don't want to get fat, I don't want to not sleep, and I want to have the financial freedom to give Georgia whatever she wants. ...like within reason. I'm talking about soccer lessons and stuff. Not taking her shopping at Tiffany's.  AND I want to enjoy life too.

Who am I convincing here? You? Myself? I think I'm trying to convince myself. There is just one minor problem with my argument to myself.

When I picture Georgia as a big sister, I cry.  I cry because I know she will be amazing. I cry because I know that without my sister I would probably be dead. And then I want to punch myself in the face for thinking that  less laundry, and a non violated vagina, and Tory Burch are more important than  giving her the experience of a sibling.

I know what your thoughts are. "A sibling is the greatest gift"... "I have two children and it is wonderful"
 "No material object replaces the relationship of siblings"..."Your vagina will sort of look normal after your second baby"

I get it. I get it. I do. So that is not what I'm looking for.

I'm looking for someone to tell me that they were scared too. Because I don't get that from anyone. I just see people having second and third  kids and looking so happy and I am starting to feel like a freak. I am TERRIFIED of having another child.

 It  is not because Georgia is a bad kid. At all. She is a sweet, kind, good mannered, talented, smart, beautiful girl. She was an "easy" baby as far as being an easy baby goes, and she has been a pretty easy toddler and pre-schooler. A few "time outs" in her life...3 of which she put herself in, so my terror does not come from the fact that she personally is hard to deal with.

It's just all the other crap that goes with it. What if  by 7:30am I have to put TWO people in snow gear, boots, car seats hats, gloves. "MOM I HAVE TO PEEEEE!!!" ( this really does happen), in the biggest polar vortex blizzard the earth has ever seen? THIS is the shit that freaks me out. The double duty. this winter getting out the door every morning totally blew, and it will blow even more if I have two kids.

Does this make sense?

I hope you enjoyed my post about birthday parties.

1 comment:

  1. I just saw this blog for the first time and while you obviously decided to go for it (congrats!) I have to tell you that you are not alone in feeling this way. You pretty much wrote exactly how I feel about having another kid! Emmett is amazing, and I wouldn't trade being his mom for anything, but damn it's a lot of work!

    ReplyDelete